i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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