margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
