Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
