But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
