It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
