I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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