That's when you crack a 10am beer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
