In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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