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  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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• I think I'm gonna knock my chick off the bed tonight. Just so I can say that!!!! Lol.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:23pm

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• lol awww, love you too babe

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:10pm

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• That's cool, but I wouldn't yell "5 second rule" in the middle of sex.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 4:14am

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• Lol trust me I tried that I got slaped =[

  Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 12, 09 at 1:04am

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• Lmao this is from where I live proud of you haha. That's some funny shit

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 2:49pm

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• I bet your parents must be proud, 4.00. Luckily, I've taken it upon myself to translate. "3:24, fuck you too. You're a fucking loser too. What is this, english class, and now you're a fucking teacher? Fuck you too. You can die too. You bastard." A little too much of the word "too" for my liking but otherwise nicely done.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:19pm

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• I think Roxy posted this one.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:17pm

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• I feel like I've heard this somewhere before...like on a show.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:26pm

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• How tha fuck is that cute?

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 10:40pm

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• Recycle a pretzel, save a forrest.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:36pm

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• Hell yea!

  Submitted by Jjhamon on Mar 4, 10 at 7:47am

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• That was on Live at Gotham

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:38pm

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• I love this! I would be in love too!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:31pm

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• That's cutee. (:

  Submitted by _sydnee_ on Jan 16, 10 at 7:47pm

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• Haha that's fucking awesome!!!!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:04pm

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• Funny how that was on Live at Gotham last night. I call bullshit!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:00pm

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• It could have happen just because it's on a show does mean it didn't happen

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 4:21am

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• Uh, someone posted this the other day, from a guy's perspective, bleeping out the swear. Way to copy an old post, douchebag.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 3:18am

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• Besides the fact that it's stolen. What kind of girl would get turn on by something like that? Mood killer and bullshit.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 2:34pm

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  • I would ^_^ just shows the guy has humor. I love a good laugh during sex

    Submitted by rrreneetje on Jun 6, 11 at 7:25pm

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• Could have seen the stand up then decided to use it action

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 12:34am

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• 315 whos from wayne countyyy right here

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:39pm

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• 318 learn some fucking grammar, asswaste.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:24pm

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• High five Watertown!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 19, 10 at 10:29am

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• haha! that's so fucking hot.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 7:10pm

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• If u don't love Jeff shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself. Oh and have a nice night! : )

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:37pm

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• That shit is hilarious!

  Submitted by anonymous_female on Aug 21, 10 at 2:22am

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• Damn!! Jelous hah of him

  Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 20, 10 at 12:43am

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• way to represent CNY

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 20, 10 at 12:03am

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• You couple of silly flamers!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:28pm

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• v just like my pussy

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 30, 09 at 1:45am

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• Oh sad, hella stole this from Live at Gotham! But I'm glad the joke is getting around cause that guy was fucking hilarious! When he took off his wig!? priceless!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 12:00pm

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• I, too, saw this on Live at Gotham.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 10:41am

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• Jeff just points out the obvious in every text. he needs to stfu.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:48pm

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• I'm a virgin and still think that it's hilarious!Nice work to the guy to said that!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:40pm

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• I go for the ten second rule before I release the bomb(s)

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 9, 09 at 10:49pm

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• That sounds so hott!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 1:01pm

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• Yeah 421, the joke is on Live at Gothom, and the next day this txt is posted. It could have happened?! Your a fuckin' dumbass bro.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 6:24pm

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• hahahaha this is HILARIOUS, the guy sounds so funny

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 6:43pm

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• 5:40 just seriously made me get a boner. Jesus.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:44pm

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• U lucky bitch!!

  Submitted by LOgAn3194 on Feb 13, 11 at 11:15pm

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• live at gotham, fucking fake.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:49pm

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• Everyone's in love when they r cumming.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 18, 09 at 7:16pm

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• JeffJeff. Jeff=Jeff.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 2:46am

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• Amen. ^^

  Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 11, 10 at 11:54pm

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• Sounds like it's happened before lol

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 12:11pm

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• Im dressing up as Jeffrey for Halloween. I will be dressed in pimp clothing.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:55pm

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• That's cute!!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 5:57pm

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• 7:59 is obviously a 14 y.o boy -c

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 6, 09 at 6:57pm

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• Oh I've chosen my words carefully pursian perhaps u should have done the same

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:32am

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• 4:00 Whoa, chill out.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:09pm

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• Wow, who's the troll now, 3:11?

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:15pm

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• meow. i eat corn when winter air is freshest.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 10:25pm

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• SO proud this is from the area code of the next town over.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 5:23pm

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• Dood you are my hero!!!

  Submitted by kyro2010 on Sep 5, 10 at 3:57pm

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• Blow-up dolls do not count, 4:23.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:27pm

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• Some guy on live from Gotham told this joke last night.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:43pm

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• What a boss

  Submitted by I_AM_GOD on Apr 10, 10 at 5:19am

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• I wanna do this to roxy

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:57pm

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• Uh...win, uberwin

  Submitted by CarlozCesar on Sep 9, 10 at 12:15am

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• IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:14pm

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• Kind of akward don't you think?

  Submitted by ShaneLastNamr on Aug 21, 10 at 10:32pm

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• well im gonna have to knock a girl off the bed asap.. i need 2 do this before i die

  Submitted by SilkyJohnson on Jul 6, 10 at 11:45pm

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• stolen from live at gotham. nice try though.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:57pm

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• Best shit i've ever heard!!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 1:54am

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• thats from a stand up routine, way to fail

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 7:23pm

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• hahaha!! this is the best one i've read in awhile. :)

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:36pm

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• That's actually kinda cute

  Submitted by happycowski on Jul 12, 10 at 6:46pm

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• If you say jeffcock fast it sounds like deathclock! Jeffcock jeffcock

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:33pm

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• Yea it was funnier when Nick Swardson told that joke

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:49pm

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• Jeff is a loser and nobody likes him

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:44pm

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• Exactly why there should be a 5 month rule. Perfect for hot ex-gfs XD

  Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 24, 10 at 3:34am

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• Damn righr!!! Now that's horny

  Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 18, 09 at 3:18am

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• aww that's sweet, in a retarded way

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:34pm

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• Meth. Crystal meth.

  Submitted by awasis on May 31, 10 at 6:47am

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• Stolen from Alex knoll

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 12:25am

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• I'd love that<33

  Submitted by a_dream_traceur on Sep 19, 11 at 11:10pm

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• Omg yeahhhh

  Submitted by AshipherSmithers on Mar 7, 11 at 1:04am

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• Repeat yourself much?

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:26pm

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• whahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 12:43pm

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• Die Obama loving Que.ers! -Jeff

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:53pm

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• does he have a twin? If so, I will pay for his flight to Los Angeles.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 7:41pm

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• 350 is obviously a virgin!!! You really need to get some! Then you'll change your mind.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:21pm

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• Oh I get it. Its funny because she he used the food's 5 second rule in sex. -Jeff

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:13pm

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• @4:23, you and I both.haha

  Submitted by Dcain on May 19, 11 at 12:34pm

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• You wanna know how I got these scars? -The REAL Joker

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:22pm

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• or else it gets the hose again.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:15pm

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• Fast thinkig, I like it

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 11:59pm

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• i would totally do this :)

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:03pm

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• OMG!!! MEGAN FOX is so hot I so would lose wife for just one night with her damn she is so hot!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 7:59pm

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• I'm in love with Jeff. Shut up 3:44

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:50pm

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• that's really damn cute

  Submitted by IsntThatStellar on Feb 18, 11 at 11:52am

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• Huh. Coulda sworn this was on mlia.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 16, 10 at 1:13am

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• Yep he's really a keeper lmao ~TFH

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 9:53pm

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• Best fucking thing I've ever heard Hahahahahahahaha

  Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 21, 10 at 9:13pm

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• Yeah, I saw that joke on TV last nite too...

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:25pm

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• Lmao!! This is hilarious

  Submitted by kaylansuzanne on Mar 28, 10 at 11:30am

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• That guy pulled a chuck norris

  Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 8, 10 at 8:24pm

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• Im in love w this girl.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 26, 10 at 12:24pm

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• Haha that's so funny

  Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 11, 10 at 1:19am

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• Fucking hilarious!

  Submitted by Allegra21 on Jun 5, 11 at 4:12pm

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• This is the most amazing thing I've heard

  Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 24, 10 at 2:33am

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• 5:23 How do you see what area code it's from?

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 1:12pm

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• awesome

  Submitted by stephaniejos on Jul 13, 11 at 1:08am

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• That is probably the only rule in sex

  Submitted by sgtchickenfucker on Aug 4, 10 at 5:08pm

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• haha thats how we do it in the 315! only in 'cuse...

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 8:46pm

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• You wanna know how I got these scars? -Joker

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:14pm

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• haha. i love you 4:27

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 8:50am

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• I would be too haha

  Submitted by martincece261 on Apr 3, 11 at 1:17am

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• sex is for marriage. You horrible awful people will go to hell. Repent now and god will save you!!!!!!!!!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:50pm

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• Yeshaha

  Submitted by papacam on Jun 20, 11 at 10:01am

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• so setting this up!!!!

  Submitted by cbrider on Oct 22, 11 at 2:27am

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• Hahah I actually like this!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 7:13pm

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• I use that same rule with my sandwiches that the bitches make me...... I guess I'll have two uses for that now thank you and keep on keepin on

  Submitted by jakeorourke on Nov 9, 11 at 3:43pm

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• Too funny!!

  Submitted by andresg on May 28, 12 at 11:44am

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• I love u baby girl lets make love

  Submitted by coolguy213818 on Nov 25, 11 at 3:04am

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• Damn that's sexyy! Fuk me next

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 10:28pm

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• Was he wearing underoos at the time?

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 10:20am

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• 9/11 was a conspircy to kill us jews

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:20pm

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• He thinks you are just a fuck

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:32pm

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• That only works if he was eating.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:34am

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• Ya Ryan Reynolds is fucking sexyyy. And he is married to scarlett johanson- they should def reproduce!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 6:56pm

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• You'll have that.

  Submitted by wolfottr007 on Mar 18, 12 at 11:28pm

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• I love how people on this site police the entries and actually conduct research as to whether or not an entry is genuine. Who gives a shit? Laugh at it, take a chillax pill, and get a life.

  Submitted by arcticphoenix0 on Jun 17, 11 at 11:47am

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• they stole that from a stand up bit on live at gotham yesterday.

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:26pm

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• One night stands are a sin. Sincerely, David Schulberg

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:14pm

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  • but two night stands are perfectly fine! woo!

    Submitted by keyboardcat on Jan 31, 10 at 9:50am

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• i wish all girls were like this

  Submitted by alblackpacino42 on Jul 30, 11 at 5:54pm

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• That's quacktastic!!

  Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:09pm

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• Any girl want sex with me?

  Submitted by imrankhan on Sep 21, 11 at 11:01am

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• Andy so hot all thé guys want to fuck her tonight

  Submitted by danvolcom on Jul 15, 10 at 12:08am

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