my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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