she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
