That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
