went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
