And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
