Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found the puke drawer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
