someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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