what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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