i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
