dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
