Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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