he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
