your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
