id be glad to
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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