it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
