just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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