so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
