If i come over, it means nothing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
