I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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