dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
