I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
