Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize