Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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