The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
