she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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