I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
