I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
