What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You almost got us killed.
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