okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
