You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
