i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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