so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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