So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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