Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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