but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
