If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
