every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
