Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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