I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
