Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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