how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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