1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize