I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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