Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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