I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize