Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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