farters have to be the big spoon...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
