I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
