Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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