Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
