Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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