She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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