My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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