Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
