i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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