oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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