4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize