having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
