He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
