Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
