they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize