My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
