I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
