if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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