It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
