I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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