Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
