Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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