Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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