Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
