Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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