; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
