He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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