thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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