You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
