did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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