If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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