he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
