the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
