she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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