dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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