Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize