My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nutella sex= disaster
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize