The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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