moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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