last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
