My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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