Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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