I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
