dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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