I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
