This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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