The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
