Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
