I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
