Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
