it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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