He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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