you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hippo gnu deer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
