I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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