I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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